On a side note, I think a writing instructor would probably flag that first paragraph as a "disclaimer," a form of resistance in writing, and tell me to knock it off. But what the heck, I feel like a rule-breaker today.
I pretty much read the newspaper only in the break room at work. It's usually strewn across the table so I can graze through its contents at my convenience. I really do value being well-informed about what's going on in the world, but like numerous others, suffer through the newspaper like trying to chew those really nasty tasting vitamins we were fed as kids. Mom fed us two different kinds of multivitamins when we were little, depending on which ones were on sale: Mighty Mouse or Flintstones. On Mighty Mouse days, sis and I would take turns excusing ourselves to the bathroom and flush them down the toilet. On Flintstone days, we were happy chewers. Mom was onto us, of course, and nixed the bathroom breaks after awhile, but sis got clever and when we moved from our house, Mom found old vitamins in every nook and cranny during her clean-up.
I'd say much of the news are those Mighty Mouse vitamins, though, I doubt they contain many good nutrients. And a few parts of the newspaper are like my Flintstone vitamins. For me, the weekly feature section on local events, restaurants, the arts and entertainment is the very best. There's always something cool going on, some celebration or new restaurant or cafe to try out, some festival to attend, and in the midst of all the depression that the newspaper reports on, this is a welcome breath of life. On many occasions, I've broken the silence in the break room with a burst of laughter, sometimes accompanied by food particles flying from my mouth, unfortunately, because of something silly I've read in this section.
Several months ago, I got a huge chuckle out of this:
"Adopt an overweight cat and get a $1 per pound discount at Seattle Humane Society in Bellevue." Really? I mean don't get me wrong, I completely support the adoption of chubby cats and I think it's sad that they probably have not received a healthy diet and exercise, but that issue aside, whoever thought of that marketing ploy is hilarious.
Today, it's the wording in the movie reviews section:
"Rated PG for some mildly intense scenes of dolphin discomfort." That's a new category I hadn't considered in a movie rating. I wonder if PETA had anything to do with that one.
Or the film that contains "a couple of episodes of mass destruction that rival Cecil B. DeMille at his most biblical."
Yes, I'm a nerdy writer who finds amusement in word choices, but I guess you just needed to be there. Totally Flintstone-quality stuff.