Monday, October 27, 2014
When you begin to trust rhythms more than rules (Guest post at Chronicles of Grace)
There was a time when certain words made me uncomfortable to hear, back when the "f" word was only four letters, instead of ten.
That's right, fellowship.
I have different words that settle in different ways on my ears and in my heart than they used to, and not because they are vulgar to me or possibly anyone else. No, it's that they trigger anxiety that springs from someplace inside me I can't entirely map out. Only, that I know when I hear this word fellowship, and words like it, I feel I would like to turn and run the opposite direction.
Slip right out the back door. Tune out.
It's not until recently I started paying attention to this anxiety - this specific strain of it that surfaces when I'm in churches, or hanging out with a group of Christians, or reading things written in the language of Christian culture - without a heap of guilt. Even though, I feel that guilt, too, as I write this, crowding in my periphery, and another "f" word, fear. Fear of being offensive. Fear of being misunderstood. Fear of being alone.
For the rest of this story, would you click here to follow me over to Kelli's? She has graciously hosted me today for the weekly link up of Unforced Rhythms.