Friday, May 24, 2013

Five-minute Friday: View

 
photo credit

Most days and minutes and moments, he's flitting in and out of my view.  My eyes, they strain to focus in on his figure like the wind.  My hands, they reach to grasp him, but he slips through, grains of sand in an hourglass that has no beginning or end.  I simply can't hold him.

He's a breath caught in the back of my throat; a tiny gasp, and then, he's gone.

The other day, the veil pulls back, a moment in time, and I am a cup opened wide and tipping forward, receiving love and spilling over.  I lean my whole frame against the bedroom wall, my cheek pressing streaks of wet, and I close my eyes to see.

His frame, leaning in, toward me.  His eyes, focused, in a swirl of activity all around him, the one who is outside of time.  His ears, perked and attentive.  I whisper his name, and I see, in my closed-eye view, him shift in heaven.

He's there.  And I'm here.  But he's here, too.  And I am caught somewhere in between.

I slide my hands against the wall, feeling for his, and if I just seal my eyelids tighter, maybe I can even feel those hands warm on the edges of my palms and the tips of my fingers.  

We meet here, within and outside of time, and all I can do is cry, and if anyone saw this, I would look like a crazy person - and maybe I am. I just want to be held and he just wants to hold, and so I lean against this wall and rest.  

And the moment, it passes, but leaves its imprint, the wings of a bird against a glass window, while I peer through and remember: he came near. 

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Linking up with Lisa Jo and FMF community. 


8 comments:

  1. He is here, and beyond time. And we can, Look to Jesus and He is with us. Beautiful truth. Seeking Him.
    From FMF.

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    1. Amen, Rebekah. So relieved that he is with us. Thank you for being here.

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  2. wow. just wow. i would say more, but i have no other words. just wow.

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    1. I'm honored to have you here, and grateful this spoke to you.

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  3. WOW. my heart constricts with this my friend...to just have that moment to feel like it was a moment together...but to have that and to just see it right out of touch...it seems that its a bit more heartbreak then you had before friend. love you. i don't think you're crazy...you're fighting and living and loving deep.

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    1. It can be heartbreaking, you're right. It's a heartbreak that makes me feel so alive, though - this longing to touch him and be touched by him, and somehow coming close but knowing it's all through a glass right now. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful words here, for hearing my heart.

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  4. Amber. This is heart wrenching beauty, and I ache with you here -- how God came near and how you long to hold his real hand. And it IS real and close and yet feels far. I resonate with the gratitude of that moment and the hollowness once it's past. I love who you are and how deeply you feel -- that you are fighting and living and loving deep, just as Janel said. I am so grateful for you, friend. For your life and heart, the all of you.

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