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We faced each other in a room of people, hands held, and I swayed a little with my weight on one leg, dizzy from pain and the pills to mute it, looking in his eyes. And we promised to take each other on as family, no matter what - that which was not flesh and blood now fused mysteriously - body and soul and flesh.
We promised to love, knowing we would fail often.
We promised to stay, knowing, at times, we would want to leave.
We promised to see each other, really see who this other is, in a world where the eyes miss so much.
This blonde American with this black haired Mexican, in both Spanish and English, for the first time chose our own family.
And so, with the questions coming not long into this story of marriage - But when are you going to start a family? - I squirm inside, protesting. But don't you see? We already have.
For what constitutes a family?
For us: One Mexican, one American, one Russian tortoise.
This, right now, is our family.
It may or may not grow bigger, but our love, will this not swell? And as it swells, will we not also spread open our arms and give away the increase?
It is not children who make a family a Family. It is people, loving each other, in abundance and in lack, in sickness and in health, in desire and in struggle, till death do us part.
And the glue of Grace holding all our fragile, fickle promises together; this family God's created, calling us good.
Linking up with Unforced Rhythms.
Your ability, Amber, to recognize, value and invest in the family you have now will serve you well whatever may come in the future, because family, like all things, changes with time - it isn't static. I don't know why people feel the need to raise those questions, make those comments and if I listen too closely to them, I find my own desires muddled and confused by those put on by others.
ReplyDelete"It is not children who make a family a Family. It is people, loving each other, in abundance and in lack, in sickness and in health, in desire and in struggle, till death do us part." What a beautiful statement and it makes me think of the many challenging ways Jesus redefined family for those closest to him. Be blessed, Amber, just as you are.
Yes, I experience this, too - "if I listen too closely to them, I find my own desires muddled and confused by those put on by others." I have been learning how not to listen too closely, to recognize that when these questions are asked with their implicit expectations, they are often reflecting values programmed into the fabric of our culture (and subcultures). And often enough, these values, desires, priorities, etc. clash with mine.
DeleteI love how you mention the challenging ways Jesus redefined family. In so many more ways than I touched on here, family is or can be so incredibly different - and subversive - than we envision.
As always, Kelly, your words make me sit and think and appreciate the perspective you bring. Thank you.
Amber, we are 'neighbors' at Kelli Woolford's link up this week I'm so glad I stopped by. This photo just makes me smile--those masks--priceless! It kinda also makes me grimace a bit, you with that plastic boot on--I'm sure there's a story there. God bless you!
ReplyDeleteAh yes, Jody ;-) There was a pricelessness and grimacing both at our wedding. If you really want to read the story, you can find it here: http://amber-beautifulrubbish.blogspot.com/2012/04/twist-in-plot.html#.VEhhCucio7B.
DeleteBut, in short, I tore my achilles tendon a few days before.
Thank you for stopping by, neighbor!
Amber,
ReplyDeleteI agree with what Kelly C. wrote above and also your observations about how it is grace that enables us to keep a marriage together even as we know we won't always love well...but there is forgiveness and there is growth...by the way, did you know your comment helped spark a blog post? here http://soulstops.com/post/Trust-and-Play.aspx Your word pragmatic just hit a nerve...Thank you!
Dolly, I sure didn't know that comment of mine provoked a post... thank you for letting me know :) I went and read it and loved hearing more about how play is taking more of a form in your life with God. Comments, or other people's writing, often spark things for me, too.
DeleteAs for pragmatism, I don't really know where that word came from in that moment, maybe it's been my experience in years of growing up in the church that this is often how we're pushed to be with God. Like you, it hits a nerve in me these days, for this is the last thing I want when I'm seeking to rest in God's presence, you know? Thank you so much for your words here.
Amen to Kelly's comment above! What wisdom you have during this season...however it may shift and shake out over time. You, your husband, your turtle, touched by grace for each day. I love you with all my heart. Thank you for writing this. It gives voice to much that many of us experience.
ReplyDeleteOoh. I like this - "touched by grace for each day." That is exactly what we need, no? Thank you, again, for being an encouraging witness to this story in the way you show up and love.
DeleteLove this!
ReplyDeleteUm... I need to come to Seattle so we can meet face-to-face. We should plan it. :)
I would seriously second that idea.
DeleteBeautiful words, as usual, Amber! I also LOVED your post over at Unforced Rhythms today Boy, did it ever hit a nerve! For some reason, I couldn't find the link to leave a comment, so I just wanted to tell you here that I could relate so well to all you said.
ReplyDeleteI figured you would relate, Cheryl. I always appreciate seeing you here, for your heartfelt words. Thank you.
DeleteI love this, Amber. What a beautiful family God has created!
ReplyDeleteHe has his ways of creating things that look different than we expected, doesn't he? But always with grace-touched beauty. Thank you, Laurie.
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