This is not the story I had envisioned for my wedding, or my honeymoon. A ruptured achilles tendon and probable surgery to follow. From where I sit on mine and Ricardo's new bed, with my leg propped in a splint on a big pillow, quite frankly, it just looks like rubbish. What in the world...? My fried mind wants to jolt in a million directions but is anchored to one spot: shock. How did this happen? Why did this happen? What is going to happen? All these questions but the only answer at the moment is stark and simple: it just... happened. I can't undo it. I can only accept it.
If only it were that easy.
But, I protest, I wanted the fairytale. At least for a day. Not to be hobbling down the aisle on crutches. Not to have my leg in a cast. Not to miss out on dancing with my new husband at our wedding. Not to possibly cancel our honeymoon plans.
I thought the "for better or for worse" challenges would come later.
Deep down, I think I know that this will make for a great story, someday. For now, I just pray for the grace to see through this rubbish, for the faith to see the beauty that is tucked away, even here in this heap of disappointment. I don't want to miss the joy here.
I sit in the chair with three physicians surrounding me, in the room at urgent care, twisting my foot this way and that, feeling around pressure points for pain. And I hear the words from the mouth of one lady physician: "Ruptured achilles." And I can't contain my tears any longer. My husband-to-be crosses the room in a flash, pressing next to me, squeezing my hand.
"I'm with you." He repeats this all throughout the night. "Don't worry, Ita. Everything happens for a reason. We have each other. I love you so much."
I'm marrying the most wonderful man in three days, and thankfully, I can see enough at this moment to know that is the greatest, most priceless gift. The rest will follow in time. But how we'd love your prayers.
Im thinking about you guys from down here and trying to be a part of your special day through each blog and facebook post. Im so sorry about your foot. But think about all the extra pampering...and dress up those crutches with bling bling for the big day. Love to you both! This IS your fairytale!
ReplyDeleteI hope you've been swimming...just pecking through from visiting for the first time with JustWrite. My brother's dog severed his achilles tendon years back. We happened to live by the beach at the time, and once cleared post surgery, my bro took his dog for daily walks and SWIMS. Very soon, it was like it never happened. Hydro therapy is VERY, very good therapy, for we human animals, too. Perhaps it was a moment in time to help you focus on your brilliant writing--all things happen for a reason! Though I agree, the timing SUCKED for you. My daughter was married this past October, during a torrential thunderstorm. At first we were disappointed, too, but it made the evening so magical and intimate, because it kept everyone together in the tent, and dancing perhaps longer than they would have otherwise. Hope your healing continues.
ReplyDeleteHow funny for you to mention swimming, for I've written several posts about how the lake near my place has been such a source of refreshment (and much appreciated exercise) this summer during the beginning of my healing. I do love swimming :-) Thank you for sharing some of your moments with me - I love reading about readers here, and it sounds like we can relate to each other for sure! Blessings to you.
DeleteI know I'm late to comment here, but I just discovered your blog through Five Minute Friday, and I have to say I am thankful.
ReplyDeleteYou are so brave to share your story in this way.
I too have said many prayers like this one,
"the faith to see the beauty that is tucked away, even here in this heap of disappointment. I don't want to miss the joy here." Only my prayers weren't quite so eloquent. ;)
I hope you have rebounded from this injury in more ways than one.
Thanks again for bravely sharing your real story.
Again, Jen, you almost bring me to tears. It is so hard to tell the real story, and even harder to live it with the ability to continue leaning into prayers like the one you mentioned above. I sometimes lose sight of this, and then I come back, and then my gaze falls down again, and in all this, though I can't often feel him, I see the goodness and faithfulness of God. And when I do, I am undone. Thank you for reading my story. May his grace continue to be your strength and courage and sight in the adventures you are on. xoxoxo
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